I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
