I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
