come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
