I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
