I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
