i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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