Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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