So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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