I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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