I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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