the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
