thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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