I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
