Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
