There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
