sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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