Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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