you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
