Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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