we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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