you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
