I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
