her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
