Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
