you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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