if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
