the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
