its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
