Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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