I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
