but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Farmville is her only friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
