I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
