Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your cock deserves a montage
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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