i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
