captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
