a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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