I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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