The maid of honor just puked.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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