my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
