i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
