"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
