She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And then he peed in my hair
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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