12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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