Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
