the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
