i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
