hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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