so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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