I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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