Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
