I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
