you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
