why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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