I just threw up on my dentist
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
