Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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